Not everything that is faced can be changed, But nothing can be changed until its faced.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, But nothing can be changed until its faced.

It’s been a bittersweet month, I have had the saddest couple of weeks and the happiest, it’s a roller-coaster. I feel like what I can only relate to as a grieving process and it’s been exceptionally hard for me, although I have my partner and people around me I feel isolated, alone & misunderstood by  the people I love the most. It has been frustrating yet I have also had the most amazing time of my life with my partner who I finally a sense of belonging with, but my inability to cope with my BPD has become a huge burden.

I have recently been struggling and have relapsed, my family don’t know much about it or the extent of it or how it affects my daily life and I know they will never understand, I will never let them into that part of my life or show them those vulnerabilities. I feel sometimes when I do, it is used against me.  Other people seem to think everything is simple and I should just be grateful for what I have and not make things so complicated. I know it’s not as simple as that, my life with BPD and other mental heath problems, along with normal daily struggles &  everyday stresses is very complex.

I see things differently from others, I try so hard and I’m trying to learn how to accept not everybody loves and feels with the intensity like I do because of my BPD, not everyone has that intense empathy. I have come to realise my close relationships are no longer what I thought they once were, my place in my family isn’t what I thought it should be. I have always felt like I didn’t belong, I know they love me very much and If I needed them they would be there and I am grateful for this.

But realistically, I have come to see that they have totally different morals and priorities to me and how I thought we were meant to be with each other and that the loyalty and protection I offer, is sometime just one way.

I know that for myself I need to let go, to stop trying to be the one that is there for everyone as that way I will not feel let down when I don’t get the same treatment. I am trying to understand that sometimes my care and affection is not wanted nor my need to care recognised. I have had a false sense of my relationships and have struggled between what they are and what I want them to be. I definitely know that  I’m not the easiest person to love or to be around, but this confusion has caused me a lot of pain and more so recently, I am trying to learn how to deal with it.

As time has gone on and more things have happened with people I care about leaving me feel let down time and time again, or dismissing my feelings, putting other family members or loved ones before me but expecting me to put them first, I have begun to feel on the outside, invisible, sometimes excluded from the close bonds that formed between them.

They all seem to have some loyalty to certain others and hold them on a pedestal. No matter how much I go out of my way to try to keep them involved in my life, it is often thrown back in my face. If there is a problem, I will go out of my way to care for them and make them happy and sacrifice things, putting their feelings first, without them even knowing it because that’s just the way I was made, though its causing me more distress as time goes on.

Apparently because I have made an independent life for myself and put on a mask, some people seem to think I don’t need them as much as they need each other, which is hurtful. Sometimes this means I need them more. I know how pathetic that sounds but my need for reassurance and my constant craving to feel needed and wanted pains me and the loyalty I have for them is not returned.

I have  tried to snap out of feeling isolated, but kept noticing that they weren’t drawn to me at all, didn’t care about important occasions in my life, like they do for other members of the family and that my feeling, thoughts and needs didn’t seem to count.

Finally the dam broke on this trip away and I have spoken up about it a little bit to the family I am travelling with when there was a disagreement, but they reacted defensively, refusing to admit that when problems or misunderstanding arise that they were being unreasonable, accepting that their actions or reactions were a part of the problem or unnecessarily taking sides when it wasnt needed. I told them they were dismissing my feelings and I feel like they are pushing me out and protecting each other, it’s not always  me to blame though I wear my guilt on my sleeve and I take responsibility when I’m at fault.

This may seem a selfish way for me to react, but I feel for now, it is justified as it’s the final straw for me, everybody has their limits and to save my own sanity these issues need to be addressed. Expectation really has always been the root of my heartache.

But at home there is a lot that remains unsaid, I cannot carry on to always be the one that is always holding out the olive branch or trying to make an effort, whether right or wrong, ignoring my own feelings for the sake of someone else. Though I’m sure this will make me the bad guy when I do finally explode and I will then suffer from hearing the ‘typical her’ ‘ here we go again’ ‘just ignore her, she’s in one of her moods’

I have started to see things in others that I have chosen not to acknowledge before now. Selfishness, greed, ignorance and a lack of empathy and unwillingness to voluntarily help others. Which are things I cannot always relate to, because I tend to have the opposite of  these traits.

The dispute between my close ones has intensified as I continue to be defensive, I have felt evermore criticised and rejected. There has been a lot of things that have happened throughout my life, lots of rejection and situations that have led to this point.

Fed up,  I have given in and have started to snap and make people aware of their behaviours and that they are hurting me.  The hypersensitivity that BPD has then resulted in outbursts as I have let things build up, the hurt and the from those close to me that don’t love or think like I do and leads to feelings of rejection and isolation and in turn the focus becomes on my frustration and angry outburst which makes it difficult for me to address the initial problem and makes it easier for me and my mental health to become the blame for all problems, this then sets the stage for further sadness, anger, and fears of abandonment, which perpetuate the cycle of rejection and hostility.

My initial reaction is to cut everyone off, but I love my family and I know they love me, so for now I need to take a step back and get to grips with the way they are, I don’t have to like the way they choose to live or be to love them and vice versa.

We all don’t have to get on all the time. The times they have been their for me and helped me through or supported me, do not go unnoticed, I have had more crisis’ to deal with than your average person and I know that being there for me can becoming tiring. I am not disregarding that and as I’ve said before, I love my close ones dearly and I am certain that they love me to, that has never been in question. I have been trying to understand splitting more in order to help me understand the difference in how I view certain relationships.

Splitting is a very common defence mechanism in people with BPD, leading sufferers to view others, themselves and life events in all or nothing terms. Because of splitting, it is difficult for individuals with BPD to recognise that good people sometimes do things imperfectly or make mistakes. The experience of splitting is very confusing and frustrating for people with BPD and their loved ones. Splitting can interfere with relationships and work life, and can lead to intense anger and self-destructive behaviours.

I’m not ashamed to admit I have sought more help, I am back in the service and I  have begun seeing a new psychologist and I am looking forward to working with her as It’s not often that you can find someone to work with, who you can trust and relate to. I wanted to pen (or type) the things that I will be working on, I used to research and write more often and it helped me make sense of my jumble thoughts in my head causing me so much suffering and confusion, I haven’t slept for the last 2 nights so I thought I’d come back to my blog to help me vent and to gain a better understanding of why I may be feeling this way and how I am reacting to certain circumstances and situations that I am currently struggling with in my life in order for me to move on.

I will be publishing a number of subjects which I will be working on, and publishing my finding, so that I can draw on them when I need them.

These are some of the subjects I will be looking into that will hopefully help me overcome my latest difficulty:

  • Guilt & Shame
  • Complex Trauma and Secondary Trauma
  • Splitting
  • Acceptance

 

 

Oh Joy! Answers.

Oh Joy! Answers.

This image pretty much sums up how I’m feeling right now. I’ve been lost for a few weeks, in a cycle of episodes, up, down, around, hyper, confused, anxious, excited, It’s been a real Borderline Roller Coaster but I knew that soon enough I would have an epiphany.

This happens now and again after I have these cycles of mixed emotions and feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Now that I know myself better and how my episodes and mood swings work,  I recognise the stages and I know that soon enough things will feel different.

It happened this morning, suddenly it all made sense and ideas and creativity were flowing, its been staring me in the face and I had been working towards my goals without even knowing they were my goals. I now feel excited, relieved to have found a solution to end my angst and my creative juices are flowing. I’m ready for new adventures and challenges and suddenly I  know exactly what I need to do. I have found my path and realised what my next steps are to further my career.

It feels pretty great, It’s fascinating how the Borderline mind works..passion, creativity and our ability to change are my favourite traits.

It has been suggested that Vincent Van Gogh, who famously cut off part of his own ear, and writers Ernest Hemingway and Sylvia Plath, both who took their own lives, may have suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder. They are just some of many famous creative icons who supposedly struggled with BPD.

For me; I’m all about embracing the positives of this disorder. If you need me, I’ll be busy for the next few days, planning world domination..

My creative gifts are worth the mental illness, I’ve suffered for them.  

db6b99490d9b80e3dc8fb26cf3d8706a

Make Your Chrismas Gift Exchange Memorable- Fun, Alternative Gift Swapping Ideas

Make Your Chrismas Gift Exchange Memorable- Fun, Alternative Gift Swapping Ideas

With the dark nights drawing in and the cold weather upon us, its hard not to get excited for the festive season!

With only 71 days until Christmas, I have already began making plans with my family, I have always loved Christmas and getting together with the people that I love, is by far the best part!

But Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without gifts.

So to make the giving and receiving of gifts, extra fun.. I have come up with these creative ideas.

gifts

Homemade Gifts

A home-made gift is  thoughtful and great fun to make, it really get’s you in the spirit of Christmas.

Take a look at these blog posts for inspiration..

8 Fun homemade Christmass Gift Ideas

Homemade Sweet trees

The Gift That Keeps Giving.

What about having everyone chip in to purchase a magazine subscription based on the interests of each recipient?
There are a lot of great deals online and can work out a great value treat that lasts all year round!

Around The World.
Get everyone to pick a different country (preferably not the one in which you live) and buy a gift that is relevant to that country,
This could also be a Secret Santa Theme. (See Below)

Swap Entertainment Gift’s

Can Include books, movies, games, and even food — basically anything the recipient can enjoy doing, to entertain them over the festive period.

Secret Santa

 A tradition in which members of a family/ group are randomly assigned a person  to whom they anonymously give a gift.

 The names of participants are placed in a hat, and participants draw the name of a person for whom to buy a gift.

To make the exchange more fun you could add a theme; decide on your own theme for the year, then everyone’s gift needs to fit the theme. For instance, if you choose “,Red or Green” all the gifts need to be predominantly red or green.

Theme Ideas

Red Or Green

Health & Beauty

Food

Local / Hometown

Childhood

Retro

…And So On

What will you be doing this year? 

Tips For Work From Home Mums

Tips For Work From Home Mums

Work from home mum’s

Many mum’s who work from home struggle with a lack of self-organisation.

 If you required help getting your life and time organised in order to be more productive, you can apply some of these hints and tips to improve your life and your income.

Do you feel that you are living in a chaos life? Do you feel that your time is not spent working effectively?

Organization Tips for Work from Home Mums:

 work home

Ÿ         Scheduling time for work.

Ÿ          If you are inconsistent with the time you put in to your work you will have very poor results. Increase your consistency and watch your profits climb. Make sure to schedule regular time for work.

Ÿ         Scheduling time for household management.

When your surroundings are not organized and there is always something calling for your attention before you can settle down to work, work will keep being put off for another time.

 Create a household maintenance schedule and be diligent in working your plan. Find peace as your home and work surroundings become more and more organised.

Ÿ         Scheduling time for relationships.

If all you ever do is work on your household chores or your business you will soon lose the satisfaction and the benefits of working from home – having time for family relationships. Keep your priorities in order and schedule adequate time to build relationships. Then you will not be interrupted with guilt when it is time to concentrate on business.

Ÿ         Keep your work space organised.

Be vigilant about keeping your immediate surroundings in order. This order generates calm, productivity and creativity; three very valuable tools for success.

Take some time daily to maintain order where you work.  Create a Inbox, Outbox & Pending file, file correctly when completed.
Create separate files for each aspect of your business. Keep Client, Customers & Employee’s details in files, along with all customer correspondence.

Ÿ         Keep your output organised.

Organise your working time. Work on the items of most importance first. Do not let the urgent steal your valuable work time.

Use Our Periodic activity work sheet to help keep up with the frequency of priority tasks and to keep book-keeping up to date.

Ÿ         Maintain your hard work.

Now that you’ve put all this effort into organising your surroundings, your work, your relationships and your productivity guard your efforts ruthlessly.

Do not let this calm slip away into chaos again.
Learn to keep your life organized. 

Gallery

Run Your Own Cleaning Service- Templates and guides

If you’re considering setting up a new business, a cleaning service could be the opportunity you have been waiting for.

 You don’t have to spend a fortune to get started in this lucrative business. You can start now with little cash and no experience.

kitchen

After running a successful business for a number of years I decided it was time to move on and I sold it on,I loved it but don’t get me wrong,  it was hard work and there are a lot of competitors out there, but that shouldn’t stop you.

You can run this business on your own or have people who carry out the cleaning  on your behalf and you act as an agency.

It’s easy to start-up and can be operated from home with few overheads! it’s not a get rich quick scheme, it requires hard work and persistence (take it from someone who knows!)

Do your research and use some of the templates below to get started!

I suggest you use the guides to get a better idea of the business, then add all the details you need to make them your own and visit a business start-up adviser, or contact your local Jobcentre and they will give you a nudge in the right direction and you may be eligible for business start-up grants/ loans.

Cleaner Agreement

Cleaner Inquiry Form

 Cleaner registration

Cleaners Good Conduct Guide

CLEANING AGENCY AGREEMENT

Interview Check List

Quote form

Standing Order Form

Standing order Agency/ Agreement Letter

Welcome Letter

What to expect from your Domestic Assistant

DISCLAIMER: These are templates and guides I have used myself and produced through research and collecting information from various sources over time.

Please be aware that information provided by this blog is subject to change. We recommend that you do not take any information held within as a definitive guide to the law or the relevant matter being discussed. You are advised to seek legal or professional advice where necessary rather than relying on the content supplied by the author of this blog.

Due to the nature of the matters discussed on this blog, the information contained within it and any pages linked to from it are clearly subject to change, without warning. The law, regulations and other forms of legal governance are constantly changing and adapting to meet the needs of the modern world and it is impossible to comprehensively detail the nature of such within the confines of a blog in a concise, up-to-date manner.

You will find links to guidance on what you need to do for tax and National Insurance purposes when you start-up a business as a self-employed person, a partnership or a limited company at http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/startingup/index.htm , You will also find links to additional help and support HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) offer new businesses

 

Flattering Sex Positions And Tips For Fat Days! (We All Have Them)

Flattering Sex Positions And Tips For Fat Days! (We All Have Them)

Fat Days, unfortunately we all have them whether we’re a size 6 or 26!, but just because you’re  bloated or feeling self-conscious or you haven’t attended the gym enough this week,  doesn’t mean there has to be a no-sex rule!

There’s nothing that’s more of a mood-killer than being paranoid and struggling around trying to cover up your stomach or bickering about not having the lights on.

The first step to great sex is embracing your body and making use of it. If your partner is in bed with you, his main concern is going to be having sex with the beautiful woman in front of him!!

Here are a few positions to help you to fight the flab and feel great, leaving you to focus on having fun and not worrying about what you look like.

missionary

Missionary: Gravity is your friend in this case! Your stomach will automatically look flatter.

Tip:Make yourself look sexier by stretching your arms up over your head and grabbing onto the bedpost or by placing them flat on the wall behind the bed. It will make your stomach look flatter and your boobs perkier!

What is he seeing: He cannot even see your stomach if he is on top of you stomach-stomach and only a glimpse if he is kneeling a bit! He will get a good glimpse of your breasts, but will most likely be  looking into your eyes which makes for a very intimate time!

spooningDoggy Style: Rear entry positions are the most flattering, especially if your stomach is your least favourite part of yourself.

Tip: Arch your back a little and push your bum high in his direction, giving you a sexy feminine curve which he will find tantalizingly attractive! 

What he is seeing: He will only be able to see your bum, your thighs and your back. You could place  his hands on your hips to hold you steady while he thrusts, and you’ve also solved the wandering hands problem.

doggy style

Spooning: Spooning is among the best  positions to hide your stomach, your boobs and the front of your body

Tip: Lift your bum to allow him to penetrate, and tighten your thighs for maximum friction while his hands reach around to stimulate your clitoris. 

What he is seeing: The front of your body is hidden, so he will only be able to see you from behind, and since his front will be to your back that wont be much! Make plenty of satisfied moans and groans and perhaps stick on a porn DVD to give you something to look at and create maximum arousal.

Want more Ideas?

Try these blog posts:

100 Sex Positions To Spice Up Your Love Life (And Get Exercise Too, It’s All Good!)

Feeling Saucy? 7 Hot Ideas To Spice Up Your Sex Life! (That’s One For Each Day!)

The Frisky Girls To Do List.

For The Single Ladies: Sex Toys, Which One Is For You?

Start Your Own Window Cleaning Business- Ideas, Guides And Plans

Start Your Own Window Cleaning Business- Ideas, Guides And Plans

If your considering setting up a new business, a Window Cleaning service could be the opportunity you have been waiting for.

 You don’t have to spend a fortune to get started in this lucrative business. You can start now with little cash and no experience.

Here are some guides  & templates to download that may help you set up a new business in Window cleaning! they include a rough idea of the services, a few tips and sample contracts you could use if you would be hiring.
The contracts will also give you and idea of terms and conditions of the business and its a good head start if you were thinking of setting up as a window cleaner!

I suggest you use the guides to get a better idea of the business, then add all the details you need to make them your own and visit a business start up adviser, or contact your local Jobcentre and they will give you a nudge in the right direction and you may be eligible for business start up grants/ loans.

window

Click on the guides below to download.

Equipment Needed

How To Clean a Window

Window Cleaning Agency Agreement

Window Cleaning Good Conduct Guide

Window Cleaning, Getting Customers

DISCLAIMER: These are templates and guides I have used myself and produced through research and collecting information from various sources over time.

Please be aware that information provided by this blog is subject to change. We recommend that you do not take any information held within as a definitive guide to the law or the relevant matter being discussed. You are advised to seek legal or professional advice where necessary rather than relying on the content supplied by the author of this blog.

Due to the nature of the matters discussed on this blog, the information contained within it and any pages linked to from it are clearly subject to change, without warning. The law, regulations and other forms of legal governance are constantly changing and adapting to meet the needs of the modern world and it is impossible to comprehensively detail the nature of such within the confines of a blog in a concise, up-to-date manner.

You will find links to guidance on what you need to do for tax and National Insurance purposes when you start up a business as a self-employed person, a partnership or a limited company at http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/startingup/index.htm , You will also find links to additional help and support HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) offer new businesses