On The Borderline/ Mental Health

Job Identity, Who Will I Be Today? (The Chameleon Effect, BPD)

At 25 years old, I have been a market trader selling several different products, designed clothes, owned and ran a cleaning business, been a personal assistant, worked in a chip shop, worked for a company selling mortgages, sold wholesale jewellery,, sold lingerie, became a life coach, became a professional organiser, attended many courses covering a diverse range of subjects, I have even been runner up in a national competition that thousands across Britain entered, I won trading space, membership to the NMTF and I was invited to the houses of parliament.. I set that business up in 2 weeks after I heard about the competition, I thought ‘I could do this’ …and I did.

I have written business plans for all kinds of new businesses that I intended to start, I have made websites (lots of them) for different businesses I also intended to start. I have done charity work, researched other people’s businesses and taught myself everything I needed to know in order to help them in theirs. I have even started up businesses for other people and helped them get thousands in funding for their start up’s.

And here I am, still searching for what I want… stability, for what most of my friends have; they know their career path, they have walked it for years and specialise in one subject, rather than like myself.  ‘I’m a ‘jack of all trades, master of none’

I suppose I am grateful to be wiser from the things I have learnt and I am able to use my skills in my life to help myself and others. It’s also a great skill to be able to adapt to any situation, or be able to become anyone I need to be in order to fit in with my surroundings and  achieve what I want…  Its exciting!  But it’s also very frustrating,
I left school early due to not being able to complete it, even though I was more than capable of achieving good grades.

It’s 10 years later now, and I’m still no closer to know where I am, what I want to do with my career, I get bored easily, I like the idea of starting over too much, I change my mind depending on who is in my life at that time, what careers they have and even when I read a good book I see how fantastic their life & jobs are and find myself researching their line of work, convinced this is what I should be doing!

This is all down to what we call ‘The Chameleon effect’  “One of the biggest and most challenging aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often ‘The Chameleon Effect’ – or ‘mirroring’. This is the constant, unconscious change in the person’s ‘self’, as they struggle to fit in with their environment, or the people around them. It is, essentially, a fluctuating identity. It is the manifestation of a basic inability or difficulty in establishing a stable sense of self.”

I have spoken about The indecisive mind of a Borderline in a previous post, I have also  shared some of my research and business ideas in the Boost Your Income category on this blog.

Although its taking forever to find my way, I know I will get there eventually and by being adaptable I will learn a wide range of skills and be able to use them to my advantage in the future.

When it comes to my career path, I believe in myself,in my skills and abilities, I am passionate about business and have every faith I will be successful when the time is right.  I believe everything happens for a reason, and when things go wrong it’s because I am being directed to something better.

 

chameleon

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