On The Borderline/ Mental Health

My Suicide Project

This has been a difficult post to create and one hell of an emotional day.

I decided to put this video together while I was feeling strong enough to do so. As most of you know I am on a journey ‘breaking free of BPD’ and this is one of the tools I will use as part of my crisis plan.

Unfortunately suicidal thoughts are a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder, it’s a difficult thing to deal with and I have found myself minutes away from committing suicide and have sadly made a couple of desperate attempts.

Luckily I got through those times and was thankful. But that doesn’t stop me feeling the same desperation again and again. In fact, the last time I had a plan (not just thoughts which I have on a regular basis) was just last week, and it’s just as frightening every time.

As part of my recovery process I am trying to learn coping strategies for each of the situations & recognising the triggers that lead to them. So I have created this video to kind of shock myself into the reality of what happens after suicide and the effects it will have on my family. My daughter has always been my saviour, I would never want to do anything to hurt her and would never risk her being upset or even seeing me if I was having an episode or feeling down. I have plans in place for when I do feel a bit crappy, but this is a reminder in case I ever feel so desperate and in despair again.

I have previously wrote posts in the past regarding My Comfort Box & Distress Tolerance, some other coping strategies I use.

6 thoughts on “My Suicide Project

  1. That was amazing, thank you for sharing. I think it has the potential to truly help people, whether those with BPD or those suicidal not-otherwise-specified!!! Yes, the auto-correct did itself wrongly haha, but other than that and the incorrect usage of ‘your’ when stating ‘You’re hysterical’, etc (the correct usage being ‘you’re’), it is an emphatically put-together video, heartbreaking but speaks with compassion all-round. Good for you, BOTN (: xx ❤

    1. Thank you so much for your feedback! I have managed to correct the auto-correct and have learnt a lesson to type up the text before I add it to a video! ha.

      I must admit I cried the whole time creating this, but hopefully it will save a life whether that be mine or someone elses! 🙂

      I really do appreciate your comments and hope to hear from you again when you visit my blog 🙂


      1. Hello I just had to write to you and tell you how amazing that video is, it actually brought me to tears. Because the video was so realistic that I felt I was imagining me in that situation …
        I myself have attempted suicide and I’m only 14. My generation is so sad but thank you very much 🙂
        I wish the best for you and you family!!!

      2. Thank you! I was sad to read you have attempted suicide yourself, I hope you are in a better place now. I’m pleased the video touched your heart, it was based on my actual circumstances and I cry every time too!

        Hopefully you won’t ever need it but you know where it is if you ever need a reminder.

        Best of luck with everything & thanks for your comment!

        Please come back soon 🙂 xxxx

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