This has been a difficult post to create and one hell of an emotional day.
I decided to put this video together while I was feeling strong enough to do so. As most of you know I am on a journey ‘breaking free of BPD’ and this is one of the tools I will use as part of my crisis plan.
Unfortunately suicidal thoughts are a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder, it’s a difficult thing to deal with and I have found myself minutes away from committing suicide and have sadly made a couple of desperate attempts.
Luckily I got through those times and was thankful. But that doesn’t stop me feeling the same desperation again and again. In fact, the last time I had a plan (not just thoughts which I have on a regular basis) was just last week, and it’s just as frightening every time.
As part of my recovery process I am trying to learn coping strategies for each of the situations & recognising the triggers that lead to them. So I have created this video to kind of shock myself into the reality of what happens after suicide and the effects it will have on my family. My daughter has always been my saviour, I would never want to do anything to hurt her and would never risk her being upset or even seeing me if I was having an episode or feeling down. I have plans in place for when I do feel a bit crappy, but this is a reminder in case I ever feel so desperate and in despair again.