Talk PANTS And Help Keep Your Child Safe From Abuse – The Underwear Rule

Talk PANTS And Help Keep Your Child Safe From Abuse – The Underwear Rule

Driving home over the busy Tyne Bridge this week I heard an advert on the radio that immediately got my attention, it was a campaign advert from the NSPCC regarding ‘The Underwear Rule’,  it’s a campaign designed to show parents a fun way to make their children aware of the dangers of sexual abuse without scaring them.

I have previously blogged about the importance of ‘Stranger Danger’ which is an important conversation every parent should have with their children, but sadly it’s not enough to keep our children safe, most abuse is closer to home.

It’s every parents’ worst nightmare to find their child has been touched inappropriately and no family wants to think it will ever happen to them.  But as the statistics show it does happen to one in 20 kids, and nine times out of ten by someone known to the child.

If we are to tackle this issue we must prevent it before it even starts, to do this we must educate our children about staying safe and speaking out.

The Underwear Rule is a simple way that parents can help keep children safe from abuse.

We know talking to your child about private parts can seem difficult, but you can have simple conversations about keeping safe without using scary words or mentioning sex.

NSPCC have developed PANTS as an easy way to teach children that their body belongs to them and to talk to a trusted adult if they ever feel scared or upset.

They’ve also created a child-friendly guide and other useful advice that can make talking to your child easier.

Learn the Underwear Rule and you’ve got it covered

PANTS is an easy way for you to explain to your child the key elements of the Underwear Rule:

P-

Privates are private

Be clear with your child that parts of their body covered by underwear are private. No one should ask your child to touch or look at parts of their body covered by underwear.

If anyone tries to touch their private parts, tell your child to say “no” and to tell an adult they trust about what has happened.

In some situations, people – family members at bathtime, or doctors and nurses – may need to touch your child’s private parts.

Explain that this is OK, but that those people should always explain why, and ask your child if it’s OK first.

A-

Always remember your body belongs to you

Let your child know their body belongs to them, and no one else.

It can be helpful to talk about the difference between good touch and bad touch:

Good touch is helpful or comforting like a hug from someone you love.

Bad touch is being touched in a way that that makes you feel uncomfortable.

No one has the right to make them do anything with their body that makes them feel uncomfortable. And if anyone tries, tell your child they have the right to say no.

This can be a good time to remind your child that they can always talk to you about anything which worries or upsets them.

N- No means no

Make sure your child understands that they have the right to say “no” to unwanted touch – even to a family member or someone they know or love.

This shows that they’re in control of their body and their feelings should be respected.

If a child feels confident to say no to their own family, they are more likely to say no to others.

T- Talk about secrets that upset you

Your child needs to feel able to speak up about a secret that’s worrying them and confident that saying something won’t get them into trouble.

To help them feel clear and comfortable about what to share and when, explain the difference between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ secrets.

Bad secrets:

  • make you feel worried, uneasy, sad or frightened
  • may be asked to be kept in exchange for something
  • bad secrets often have no end time.

Good secrets:

  • can be nice things like surprise parties or presents for someone else
  • will usually be shared in the end

It’s important that your child knows the difference because ‘secrets’ are often an abusers greatest weapon in stopping a child from telling anybody about abuse.

Phrases like “it’s our little secret” are their way of making a child feel worried, or scared to tell someone what is happening to them.

S- Speak up, someone can help

Tell your child that if they ever feel sad, anxious or frightened they should talk to an adult they trust.

A trusted adult doesn’t have to be a family member. It can also be:

  • a teacher
  • a grandparent, uncle or aunty
  • a friend’s parent, or
  • ChildLine

Whoever they feel most comfortable talking to, reassure your child this adult will listen, and can help stop whatever is making them upset.

The more your child is aware of all the people they can turn to, the more likely they are to tell someone as

soon as they have a worry.

Remind your child that whatever the problem, it’s not their fault and they will never get into trouble for speaking up.

NSPCC – Tips & techniques for talking

After school

If your child has learned about relationships or personal safety, ask what they remember – it will give you a starting point from which to begin more detailed conversations.

Talking over the TV

TV can be a great way of opening up tricky topics. Though we might sometimes wish our children hadn’t heard something in the news or on a soap, it’s best to address the point head on rather than dismiss it, or pretend it hasn’t happened.

The bedtime routine

When you’re getting your child ready for bed – or helping them tie their shoelaces or get dressed – you could talk about times when a trusted adult might need to touch them.

Driving it home

Car journeys are a great time to talk to your child. They’re in a comfortable setting, with limited distractions. If you’re on your way to school, you could ask about who they would tell at school if something was upsetting them.

Question time

Don’t shy away from your child’s difficult questions. Reward their curiosity by speaking to your child honestly. Talking frankly will make the subject less shocking, and you’ll show yourself to be someone they can confide in.

The PANTS rule for Kids
The PANTS rule for Kids

For more information cclick here to visit the NCPSS’s Page and download some friendly guides for you and your children.

Effortless But Stunning Hairstyles You Can Achieve While You’re Sleeping (Literally!)

Effortless But Stunning Hairstyles You Can Achieve While You’re Sleeping (Literally!)

This is my latest obsession, hairstyles for the lazy girl like me 😉
Mornings are a bit hectic in my house so these fab tutorials are a lifesaver.

Only 5-10 minutes preparation needed, no heat, no fuss, sleep, wake up VOILA! Stunning effortless hair…Enjoy!

Beach Waves  Hair.

images

Wash your hair before bed.

Let your hair dry until it is slightly damp, not too wet!

If you have dry, thin or frizzy hair, rub a little argon type oil into your hair.

Twist your hair and make a bun on the top of your head (really high) tie with an elastic.

Wait for your hair to dry completely overnight and then gently take off the hair elastic and unravel the curls.

You can make more than one bun for a tighter more dramatic wave effect!

Super Curly Hair

Cut an old sock into  strips (or any other old T-shirt etc)

Then wrap sections of your half-dried hair into them by placing the end of each section on the center of the strip and rolling up.

Once you’re done, just tie the ends of the strip together and move to the next section.

And remember, the smaller your sections are, the tighter your wild curly hair will be.

No Crimpers Crimped Hair

crimped

Wash your hair an hour before you go to bed

Towel dry the hair

Braid it into a lot of thin, tight braids.

Leave the braids overnight.

Undo them in the morning, style your hair and there you have it! No crimpers crimped hair!

Twisty Beautiful Curls

images (1)

Wash hair & towel dry.

Take tiny sections of hair.

Apply a generous amount of the styling product of your choice.

Then twist each section until it starts to coil around its base.

Secure these little knots with hair elastics.

Let loose after a few hours or the next day  and you’re instantly rocking some sexy, twisty hair.

xoxo

Video

My Suicide Project

This has been a difficult post to create and one hell of an emotional day.

I decided to put this video together while I was feeling strong enough to do so. As most of you know I am on a journey ‘breaking free of BPD’ and this is one of the tools I will use as part of my crisis plan.

Unfortunately suicidal thoughts are a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder, it’s a difficult thing to deal with and I have found myself minutes away from committing suicide and have sadly made a couple of desperate attempts.

Luckily I got through those times and was thankful. But that doesn’t stop me feeling the same desperation again and again. In fact, the last time I had a plan (not just thoughts which I have on a regular basis) was just last week, and it’s just as frightening every time.

As part of my recovery process I am trying to learn coping strategies for each of the situations & recognising the triggers that lead to them. So I have created this video to kind of shock myself into the reality of what happens after suicide and the effects it will have on my family. My daughter has always been my saviour, I would never want to do anything to hurt her and would never risk her being upset or even seeing me if I was having an episode or feeling down. I have plans in place for when I do feel a bit crappy, but this is a reminder in case I ever feel so desperate and in despair again.

I have previously wrote posts in the past regarding My Comfort Box & Distress Tolerance, some other coping strategies I use.

Middlesbrough (Smoggie) Translation

Middlesbrough (Smoggie) Translation

Some very exciting news coming up regarding The Smoggie Dictionary! EEEK! so watch this space 😉

As I am from Middlesbrough and live in Newcastle, I often get people misunderstanding the meanings of my words, even my daughter (who has lived here most of her life) and I have a language barrier sometimes, which also results in her teasing me and mocking my words!

So I have decided to put together a ‘Smoggie Translator’ to prevent any further misunderstanding between myself and my friends, Please do join in and I will add to the list as I think of more 🙂

Firstly here’s a bit about my home town; Middlesbrough is town in the North East of England, situated on the river Tees, which is also about the 13th largest town in Britain.

Home of the ‘Smoggie’ A person originating from Teesside, so-called originally from the smoke from the Dorman Long, and other industrial works on the Tees (knocked down years ago and where the Riverside…

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