On The Borderline/ Mental Health

The Indecisive Mind Of A Borderline

Where do I want to be?

Am I happy?

Do I want to coke or fanta?

Do I love you or hate you?

Should I stay or should I go?

Whats my favourite colour?

Am I hungry?

What should I wear?

What colour should my hair be?

Have I done the right thing?

scream

Living with BPD is the daily struggle that some of us unfortunately have to endure, but for me one of the hardest and most frustrating (and sometimes  upsetting) traits is being so indecisive. I often change my mind, even about really insignificant and trivial things, such as where to go for a walk or whether to stay for another half hour at a relatives house, or even what food I like! One day I will love it, then all of a sudden I think its disgusting and can’t understand why anyone would want to eat it. Sometimes I make a decision and convince myself that that’s the best option, to then change it to the other option, to then change it back again.

The rapid cycles of how my moods change are often extremely overwhelming, which makes it harder to explain what my true feeling are towards the situation or decision at hand, not only to others, but to myself. Non-borderlines find this frustrating because they can’t understand why I can’t make a decision and why I am not making much sense, which then makes me even more overwhelmed and frustrated, anxious and often upsets me because it leaves me feeling misunderstood.

This is just a quick insight into one of the traits of  my meddling mind, something that has got me in a bit of a pickle lately leaving me feeling very confused.

Thanks for reading

Until next time.

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8 thoughts on “The Indecisive Mind Of A Borderline

  1. Thanks for the insight. I’m dating a guy with BPD who is also extremely indecisive. Do you have any advice on how I can support and help him? As you mentioned, it’s extremely frustrating to the other person and can make me feel like he doesn’t care about me

    1. Hi Jennnifer,
      You are already helping him, by researching you will become more aware of the way he is feeling and understanding his behaviours and why he reacts in certain ways. I find for me its just reassurance,it must be very tiring for the partner of a borderline. You must have plenty of patience and be able to give lots of reassurance. Fear of abandonment is the most apparent trait for me in my relationship, I always find myself saying ‘You would be better of without me’ as I feel that makes me in control in case he leaves. I try and push him away as I have a feeling he will leave anyway, though I’m desperate for him to stay.
      I suppose you have to learn to deal with these behaviours, but make sure you know your limits. Be supportive, but don’t be a push over as the more you give the more he will want. Make sure you have time out and relax when things get too much for you. your no good to anyone if your not looking after yourself. Hope everything goes OK for you xxx

      1. Wow, he does that very thing. If I try to discuss issues with him or how I feel he immediately wants to say that I’m better without him. Today I’m feeling really down. There’a a small group picnic that we were supposed to go He never commits to anything in advance. He can’t even commit to more than 2 hours in advance. Everything he decides to do has to be instant, so if I want to spend time with him in have to instantly be available whenever he wants to do something. Anyway, the picnic required RSVP a week ago. Two weeks ago I kind of got him to agree to go and I pointed out that he needed to be committed to go or otherwise I’ll look stupid having told people he’s coming if he doesn’t show up. As of yesterday he says he just can’t. No reason in particular. When he met some of my friends it was an issue also because he was very insecure they wouldn’t like him. He has yet to even introduce me to his friends, although he really only has one. So today I thought is a new day and I told him good morning and that I would pick him up at 11:15. Again he said that he just can’t. Then I pushed back a little and it’s not like he has plans or anything. I pretty much told him that what this means to me is that I’m not even worth an hour of his time to take him to lunch. Then he started with talk of how he’s not what I want again. I know logically I will have to stop putting myself through this, but for some reason I actually have a great connection with him and feel really happy when I’m with him. I can’t even explain why, but it just feels great when I’m with him. The times we are apart are really where there are issues, or if we are together and I try to talk about something serious

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