How To Prevent Naysayers Ruining Your Dreams; (Negative / Un-supportive People & How To Deal With Them)

How To Prevent Naysayers Ruining Your Dreams; (Negative / Un-supportive People & How To Deal With Them)

I stumbled across this fantastic blog post whilst looking into the effects that negative people can have in your life, I am going through one hell of a roller coaster at the minute and the time has come to leave behind negative people and ignore negative  comments in order to carry on reaching for my dreams that had been forgotten and put aside whilst  I was on a downward spiral and close to losing myself and being led down the same path as my ‘friends’. There’s a favourite quote of mine its ‘Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, just be sure you are not just, in fact, surrounded by assholes’ This post talks about those people and how to deal with them. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.

‘Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.’
~ W. Gibson.

Have you ever shared your dream with someone, only to have them stomp on it with a few unsupportive words?

‘I’ve been thinking about writing a book, and—’

‘It’s really hard to get published, you know.’

There’s a breed of control freaks who quietly lurk, ready to attack your precious, vulnerable ideas as soon as you share them with the world. These people are known as naysayers, non-supporters, dream killers, or just plain assholes.

You’ll find them in the workplace, in social circles, in the family, or in your marital bed. It could be your boss, your pal, your parents, your husband or wife, your neighbor, your neighbor’s mother’s husband …

Regardless of where you encounter them, naysayers all have the same toxic tendency: they get off on popping bubbles, raining on parades, throwing wet blankets on ambitions, and farting on dreams. “What’s that? You want to travel around the world?” Brruuuub! 

How to recognize a naysayer

This is usually how it unfolds: you dream up a plan that excites you to the core of your being. It may be an adventure, a new career path, an artistic pursuit, or a crazy invention to rival Velcro. Hopefully it’s involves a plan more inspired than quitting your job to sit at home in your robe growing out your facial hair, while watching soaps day long (in lieu of using soaps). If that is your ambition, you’re not dealing with naysayers, you’re dealing with sane people.  Get Help

But if you have a solid, well-considered life dream that you’re driven to accomplish, you’ll probably want to share it with friends, family and co-workers. You’ll want to come out of the closet with your grandiose dream. Some will pat you on the back and say, “GO FOR IT,” but there’s always one person who gets off on taking a dump in your happiness sandwich.

Common remarks from naysayers:

You might receive ’helpful advice’ along the lines of: ‘I know someone else who tried that and it didn’t work out for them.’

Your confidence will be attacked with: ‘Are you sure you’re qualified?’

Naysayers love to highlight the impracticalities of your dream, “You can’t make any money doing that.”

Or, they’ll call upon ‘normal people’ as the basis for their argument, pointing out how you’re destined for failure because you’re not acting like one of them. ‘Normal people usually just get a real job,’ or, ‘This isn’t what normal people do.’


There’s an easy way to know if you’re dealing with a naysayer. When their mouth opens up and words come out, does it:

1. Make your heart happy? 

If your answer is yes, you’re being lovingly supported.

2. Make your feel like your guts have just been through a meat mincer?

If your answer is yes, you’ve been naybashed by an asshole.

The psychology of an asshole

Most often, naysayers have not fulfilled their own dreams. They don’t live an inspired existence because they’re too busy living in fear. Maybe they made the mistake of listening to their own naysayers, and they’re just parroting words that have kept them down their whole life? Perhaps they believe that life is all about living inside a fantasyland called Normalville, where regular people populate the average town of Mediocrity, sipping on lukewarm cups of boring?

Chances are, they’re just scared. Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of change, fear of being insignificant, fear of death or injury, fear of being judged. Your wild ambitions threaten the naysayer. He/she likes to keep life safe, simple and predictable, and by pissing in your party hat, they’re hoping to keep you small and easy to manage. Your goal threatens to throw out the equilibrium of his/her universe. But the naysayer is out of luck because the entire universe doesn’t actually belong to them (as much as they like to believe that it does).

Cross-section of a naysayer’s brain.

How to deal with a naysayer

Talk it out

If the negative comments are coming from a person you care deeply about, see what you can do to talk it through. Ask them what their concerns are and, without judgement, address them one by one. Don’t let it escalate into an argument—stay calm. Comfort them through their fears, while peacefully standing your ground. This is your life, your journey and your happiness, so own it and make it clear that you won’t sway from your dream. Negotiate and compromise if possible, but make sure you leave the conversation with your heart fluttering. If you come away from the conversation feeling heavy and sad, you’ve just been naybashed once again. Perhaps it’s time to consider therapy?

Ignore

If the criticism is coming from your family, or a dear old friend, it may be best to simply block it out. Have confidence in your plans, and refuse to hear their crap. Locate your internal switch called GIVE A SHIT and simply flick it over from DO to DON’T.

Sever ties

Perhaps the naysayer is a friend or partner who never supports your dreams? If you find yourself in a relationship with a toxic person who continually tears holes in your ambitions, it may be best to cut off the relationship. Choose to surround yourself with people who make you want to break out into a happy dance. Align with people who blow air into your balloon, rather than the pricks.

Sharpen your swords and get ready for some nayslaying, because:

Have you had any experiences with naysayers? Have your dreams been naybashed? What did you do to cope? What advice would you give to people who are not being supported?

Source:

http://www.fearfuladventurer.com
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3 thoughts on “How To Prevent Naysayers Ruining Your Dreams; (Negative / Un-supportive People & How To Deal With Them)

  1. Reblogged this on and commented:

    I have been speaking to my Psychologist today and we got onto the fact that I am good at helping others in the same situation as me, yet I find it difficult to help myself. We spoke about all the things I have done in the past and I realised that my blog was something that was always useful and helped me to understand how I’m feeling.

    I had forgotten all the work I had previously done and the things I have wrote about, I decided to take a look back on what my solutions were in the pas, because when I think about it, I am just dealing with the same feelings time and time again but just in a different situations and I need to draw on my past experiences and actions to help myself. I need to practise what I preach!

    My aim this week is to care about myself how I would care for others. I already have the answers, I just need to believe in myself and remind myself I do know what to do. I always need a solution you see, I’m a problem solver so If I have an issue the anxiety will take over until I have worked out how to act to solve it.

    The first post I have come across on my recap of the things I have learnt and coping strategies I have previously used is this one, It takes about toxic people and naysayers, which are a real trigger to me and we have spent hours talking about this in my appointments and how certain people affect my life and my intense mood swings so often and how I allow it. I am trying to let go of these people, and learn how to better deal with them.

    In my case, it comes down to people close to me, so I just need to look at them differently, change the way I see our relationships and each of our our parts in it. I need to believe in myself more, and remind myself that others are not always right, I’m a strong, independent 28 year old woman, I know my personality and emotions better than anyone. I can make my own decisions based on my life goals and how I want to live it and I no longer need anyone’s approval, I especially need to let go of those that have a negative impact on my life and my mood.

    This was a great read and has put things in some perspective for me tonight…

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