Writing your online dating profile? Take a look at these tips.

Be Honest. Always. Don’t lie about your height, age or weight: you’ll be found out soon enough. Don’t pretend to have a better job than you do, or that you’re more prepared for long-term commitment than you currently are. You don’t need to share all your dirty little secrets in your profile, but don’t create an awkward situation for yourself if it does lead to something.

How are you?’ is not a conversation starter. Try picking something you found interesting from my profile and asking me specifically about that.

Choose action shots: Wouldn’t you know, profile photos that demonstrate you playing your guitar or downhill skiing – even if your face isn’t showing – get more messages.

Get Over yourself. Don’t demand that your future partner love, worship, and adore you. Don’t list the qualities you believe you want. Instead, focus on what you have to offer. If you provide a list of dating rules or expectations, you wont be very popular.

Don’t do text speak. Just don’t. KK?

Never go into stalk mode. Sometimes guys just don’t take the hint. If we have chatted and nothing came of it, then a few weeks later you message again and we exchange a message or two. Lets not waste anymore time. “NEXT!”

Please ask about me. If you are not interested in what I have to say via messages, then I’m not likely to meet you in person for a meeting about how fantastic you are.

Never use your profile to write about the ex. Or about sex. Keep in mind the rules of first-date conversation and apply them to how you introduce yourself to strangers online, too.

Stay positive: Avoid negative tones and always be positive about yourself. Your profile is essentially your dating CV. You wouldn’t want a future employer to read anything negative, so why would you want a potential partner to read anything that isn’t positive?

Guys,If there is a female in your picture, you don’t look available or you look like a player. Guys, please stop using pictures of you and just one other woman. Oh, she’s your friend? Okay, yeah, whatever.

Don’t be pushy.  If you send someone a message and they reply to you with a “thanks, but no thanks” or they don’t bother replying at all, don’t try to convince them that you are the right person for them. They may change their mind on their own accord, but sending messages to them will make you seem scary.

Fill in every bit of your profile. Try to fill in as much information about yourself as possible, without writing an essay. Think about what your likes and dislikes are and what is important to you. Otherwise, how else will you become my future hubby?.

Don’t be weird, rude or sleazy. Enough said.

Check out my other posts.

Pimping your online dating profile.

How to write a dating profile and things you need to know.

S.A.D. Singles Awareness Day, The Alternative To Valentines Day For Singles.

Well, it’s the 13th of February and only 1 more sleep until Valentines Day!

According to Wikipedia its  ’A day for celebrating love and affection between intimate companions’

It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, chocolates, jewellery and other gifts, including engagement rings in many cases.

But for singletons, its S.A.D  ’Singles Awareness Day’ On Singles Awareness Day, single people can choose whether to celebrate or commiserate their single status, this is usually done in groups of people or friends. Some people  want to remind romantic couples that they don’t need to be in a relationship to celebrate life .

So gather up your we will  get together treat yourselves, drink cocktails and have fun to celebrate your single status! There are plenty of options available so there’s no reason to be alone on V.DAY or S.A.D!

So, what could you be doing on S.A.D ? 

Why not have a look at local events in your area, there are many places that hold singles night’s and fun parties and hosted events for those of us in singletown!

Or if you are feeling unsociable because you don’t have anybody to spoil this Valentine’s Day, why not take it as an opportunity to spoil yourself? No-one deserves it more!  Treat yourself to a bit of pampering, cook yourself a nice meal or have a relaxing bath with candles and a glass of champagne. With no one else’s feelings to consider, you’re free to spend the day doing whatever you want and to make it a special day just for you.

Alternatively, If there’s someone you’ve got your eye on and you think they may be interested too, why not take Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to express your interest? Send an old-fashioned anonymous card or just a flirty email and set the wheels in motion.

Or you could always sign up for online dating!

Plenty Of Fish – POF is FREE and it’s the number one dating site and is still growing. The site grows, on average, 30% every year! 32 million members, 15 million messages sent per day, 30 000 new sign ups per day, and over 1.16 million average daily visits per month!

Or Perhaps try Tinder  it’s the fun way to connect with new and interesting people around you. Swipe right to like or left to pass. If someone likes you back, it’s a match! If they don’t, neither of you will ever know.

What are you waiting for?? Let the thought of a potential new romance brighten up your day!

You can get some handy tips for your first online profile from my post Here & Here

Or why not take a look at A Single Girls To Do List

Whatever it is you decide to do on 14th of February, Don’t forget to Love yourself!

Thrifty Valentine Idea. Give Your Loved One A Break, Absolutely FREE!

If you are struggling to come up with the best and most cost-effective Valentines gifts, here is your saviour.

Give the gift of time for free! With us all tightening our belts and with only a few days left to think of a great present that your other half deserves, it is likely that you’ve started worrying about what you’re going to do?!

When it comes to the perfect gifts is your mind totally blank?  Why not give a gift with a difference? A Gift of Time!

Why not give your Partner a break whilst you do all the Dirty Work! You could Do the Washing, Clean the House..Fix that tap that has been dripping for months, Run her a relaxing bath or clean his car!..

Bridget of the north love coupons, houseworkOr Why Not get creative and make a Chore Cheque Book?  they make a wonderful gift for that special person in your life. Create them by hand or use print some Chore coupons, they are  completely free and easy to use.7
You can  cut out the coupon’s that you want to use, and staple them into a little booklet. Or Hide them around the house for your other half to find! Chore coupons have no expiration date and can be used at any time.

Have You Matured? Here Are Some Signs That It’s Time For You To Grow Up

As my 27th birthday looms and I start to make plans for my future, putting things into place (admittedly something I probably should have done years ago) I think about what I have learnt, and why its time to get my shit together basically.  Responsibilities change and we need to take care of ourselves, we can’t put off growing up any longer…lets be honest, its been creeping up for a while.

But when do we pass our ‘Do what we want, when we want’ lifestyles? and how do we know when its the right time. Here is a few pointers..

  • You begin to  understand that you don’t have to get so drunk, sleep with a random or throw up to have a successful weekend, You want to try the good kind of drunk and have the good kind of fun, be merry drunk and not have the kind of ‘I’m never drinking again’ hangover that lasts till midweek.
  • Your friendships are changing, you are sick of the same people doing the same thing week in week out and your starting to realise you have nothing in common with them anymore. Don’t worry though. You’ll stay in touch with the ones that matter. If someone’s no longer in your life, it’s for a reason.
  • You start dressing for comfort, rather than to look good, you’ve give up trying to wear heels and avoid going anywhere that you may have to bother dressing up, unless it’s a special occasion, even then you can’t wait to get home and stick your Pj’s on and snuggle in bed.
  • You realise social smoking is pointless. The days of standing outside freezing your bum off to participate with smoking friends, in a habit that you don’t normally have (and its unhealthy and quite frankly, stinks) stops making sense to you.
  • You start to regret all the naps you refused as a child and your ‘disco naps’ turn into regular ‘afternoon naps’.
  • You can have a real relationship with someone..and you can handle it. When you’re younger, you see relationships differently. How do you have time to really nurture your relationship and your partner when you are busy having temper tantrums, experiencing extreme jealousy, being unwilling to forgive and being totally dependant on your partner. Lets face it, Its asking for trouble. Mature people don’t have to worry about always being right  Growing up, means letting good people into your life and letting healthy relationships happen. Being comfortable with saying you are wrong. Even when your right, mature people are willing to waive that right for the sake of relationship.
  • You find yourself saying things like, “I cant go out tonight. I’m at work in the morning.” or “I’m staying in tonight its the X Factor final and I don’t want to miss it”
  • You have started sleeping at night and staying awake throughout the day, not vice versa. Well, you do need your beauty sleep before those wrinkles appear.
  • You start to value your money, your wages are no longer spent on filling up the fridge with alcohol and takeaways. You have bills to pay and you want to start making your home as comfortable as possible….in other words, your ‘nesting’.
  • You realise you cant please everyone, not everyone will like you. And you couldn’t care less either way.
  • You let go of expectations. ‘Expectations are the root of all heartache’  No one is perfect and nothing is ever going to be perfect. You learn to expect nothing and appreciate everything.
Growing up just means editing your life (for the better) starting a new chapter in your life. Focusing on the things and the people who are positive and letting go of the negatives.  It means taking care of business and most importantly, of yourself.
But, fear not! You don’t have to get 20 cats and call it a day. It’s about  embracing ‘you’, learning from your discoveries over the years and not making the same mistakes.

 

Blog Changes; Time For A Change

Yesterday was this blog’s 3rd Birthday (Yayy) and I have had time to reflect on the last 3 years and have realised how much has changed.

The reasons I started blogging are no longer the reasons I want to co continue to blog. My attitude has changed, I have matured, I have overcome a lot. So I think its time for a big shake up.

I am going to spend the next few weeks redesigning and taking a good look at my blog. I will decide what needs to go and what needs to stay.

Please bare with me, We cannot become what we want, by remaining who we are.

 

Bridget Of The North. Time For A Change

Bridget Of The North. Time For A Change

Things I wish I had known when I was 15

Originally posted on The power of style.:

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1.  Getting off with 18 year old boys, is not cool – it’s illegal. When you’re a 15 year old girl you think you’re the cat that got the cream if you are seeing an older lad. When I look back now, I realise these lads were in fact sad, losers who couldn’t get any girl their own age so took advantage of pig tail wearing school girls who still ate coco pops for breakfast. Pretty sick.

2.  Enjoy eating chips for lunch. Chips and gravy, sausage rolls, smiley faces, cake and custard all in one sitting. Weight 6 stone 3 pounds.  Repeat that 8 years later and we would be the size of  Heather Trott (after she ate Shirley).

unhealthy-lunch

3. Be glad you were frigid. The popular girl who was always sneaking off under the slide at the local park may have been the best thing since sliced bread…

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Today Is World Mental Health Day, Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

World Mental Health Day gives individuals and organisations the ideal opportunity to raise awareness of mental health within their community by providing a specific date to start the conversation about mental health.

As most of you well know, I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, an Anxiety Disorder and have experienced PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and I am keen to raise awareness and try and give my readers an insight into life with Borderline Personality Disorder (as well as other mental health problems) and to connect with people that can relate to BPD as well as other symptoms and feelings I experience throughout my life.

I’d like to take this opportunity to put together some items from my blog, especially for World Mental Health Day. Click on the links below and take time to watch the short videos on the youtube links.

What IS Borderline Personality Disorder?

Life With Borderline Personality Disorder. Meet the real ME

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FheGkZBDUCo

My Suicide Project

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGI10pNNvsc

What will I be today? Job Identity. The Chameleon Effect, Another side affect of BPD.

The Indecisive mind of a borderline

A letter to Non BPD’s, from a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder

Advantages of BPD, Let’s look at the positives for a change

Common Misconceptions of BPD, Lets get a few things straight

The differences between BPD & Bipolar

Make Time To Be A Friend. It Could Save Someone’s Life

The Discriminating Doc: My Experience With Stigma And A Mental Health Professional

I have previously added a post relating to the Stigma towards BPD (Common Misconceptions And Myths Attached To BPD, Lets Get a Few Things Straight!. )

I’m going to share with you something that has made my blood boil for the past 2 days…

So I was talking to this guy that I was really getting on with, we shared laughs and seemed to have a lot in common. He is a mental health worker in a Crisis Unit in a Hospital. We got onto the subject of me studying mental health and completing my course and I mentioned that I would like to concentrate on some specialised learning in Personality Disorders because it really interests me.

See, I would like to do some charity work as when I was diagnosed, leading up to it and after the diagnosis,  I wasn’t happy with the care I received from the NHS and I  felt fobbed off. I know a LOT of people who feel the same way.I feel that the charities I received help from helped me so much more and actually cared for me as a person.

His response to learning about PD was…
‘ooh no, you wouldn’t like it. One thing I don’t like is PD, you can’t really treat them in our places you just have to not feed into them’

When I asked why he replied
‘It’s just attention seeking and manipulation, you get some really clever ones..so don’t fall for their shit. They will self harm and attempt suicide but not enough to kill themselves, just enough to make a scene and then they get off on it’

I told him that surely that would mean that they need the most help then. He then said
“‘Nope, they can only help themselves, there is no medication for them’

I was really upset and appalled that someone in that line of work could react like that, I am disgusted at the negative attitude of this ‘professional’. The stereotypical views and the discrimination against any mental health issue; let alone PD can cause great harm to a person. If this is the mind-set of someone working in a mental health emergency room then what hope is there for the rest of us?

At first it made me question everything I have learnt so far, I actually doubted myself for a minute and became a little angry and upset by it. I felt like a monster again, like the first day I got diagnosed and I Googled Borderline Personality Disorder and seen the negative blogs, websites and forums and seen the terrible things that people had to say about this type of disorder.

But then I gathered my thoughts and realised that actually, I have been treated. I have attended therapy for years and once I was taken seriously and finally given the right coping strategies and tools to work with,  I slowly learnt how to better regulate my emotions and manage my reactions and moods.

I certainly don’t feel like I did back then and have a better understanding of BPD,  meaning that I know the triggers and how to handle them. I haven’t had a breakdown for over a year, I don’t attempt suicide, in the past when I felt suicidal I don’t think it was for attention as I was genuinely debating whether to go through with it or not.

I don’t get angry like I used to, I don’t cut, I live as normal a life as possible and function well and I am part of the community like everyone else.  I wouldn’t have been able to do so without the therapy or treatment I received and all the hard work I have put in.

So I think this guy, the ‘Mental Health Worker’  shouldn’t be in this job, maybe its time for a career change.

BPD  CAN be treat and in time our episodes  become fewer and further apart.

I am the proof.  I am not that stereotype, though maybe I would have been if I hadn’t had treatment. I’m still ME.

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say!

There is one thing that really gets to me, I have stewed over it many times.
It’s ‘Why can’t people keep their word?’

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I’ve been one of those let down people many times, and fallen into the same trap time and time again. But because I do my best to keep my own word, I expect other people to do that too. I am a woman of my word and if I say I will do something, then I will do it, whether I like it or not. Otherwise I wouldn’t say it in the first place.

If I didn’t keep my word I would feel guilty and ashamed for letting the person down. So how can people say things to me that they don’t mean? or do they not realise what they are saying? how can they forget what they promised me? If the shoe was on the other foot there is no way I would want to let them down. What happened to loyalty?

People often just speak and then forget. And then they are then surprised at how seriously others take what they said. It leaves you feeling angry, cheated and like your feelings don’t matter. Some people give you false hope and say what they think you want to hear or what they need to get what they want, without thinking of the consequences because in the end it’s not important to them.

Theres a really good quote that springs to mind here (And I love a good quote)

Expectation is the root of all heartache – William Shakespeare

I have been naive, I have believed false promises and given false hope, I have been let down, I have been on the receiving end of a stab in the back, misplaced loyalty, hurt by those that don’t keep their word. It’s not easy, here’s a few pointers I have taken from my experiences..

Don’t expect too much. You won’t always get everything you expect, so to avoid let downs be prepared. People might not keep their word but if they do it’s a bonus.

Know the people you’re dealing with. If someone has let you down before, he or she is more likely to let you down again. But don’t rule  people out. there are loyal people out there, you just need to find people who care like you do.

Beware of NATO behavior. NATO = No Action Talk Only. Some people just say things without thinking and promise they will definitely help you or that they care for you, but when it comes to the real situation, they are the first ones to run away, make themselves unavailable or cut you off.

Confront the person to explain how you feel. If you’re a little wary of talking to the person, send a  text messages or e-mail. If they still can’t get it, tell them not to make empty promises. Make it clear that if they are not man enough to keep promises,then please don’t give false hopes. Tell them they can’t just say things and then be surprised when people take their words to heart. ‘If you don’t mean it, don’t say it’

Don’t trust promises from a forgetful person. This is common sense.

Cry on someone else’s shoulder if it’s really getting to you.  Have a good rant/winge/moan. It helps to share your emotions,so at least its out of your system.

Distract yourself. Getting disappointed is a huge blow, especially when you have your heart set on it. A good way to soften the blow is turn your focus on something else, do something else that you enjoy; play some sports, watch a movie, talk to a friend, go for a walk or something else that’s fun!
If you focus enough, you’ll be amazed how little that broken promise hurts now that you’re not thinking about it.

However, remember that if it’s not going anywhere and you are continually getting let down, it can get VERY painful for you. If you’ve tried talking to the person that has let you down and you have given them the benefit of the doubt and things aren’t getting any better, they are still making false promises and not keeping their word, then take a step back. mark their cards. Maybe forgive but don’t forget.

Sometimes its more difficult than that and it’s not that easy to forgive. ‘Trust is like glass, once broken it will never be the same again’  Maybe its time to move on, you deserve better.

42 Things All Noughties Teenagers Will Remember

Originally posted on Hannah Gale:

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1. Smirnoff Ice, WKD and Archers. Tiny bottles of sugary alcohol that made you talk to boys, throw up and get told off by your parents. Goody.

2. Spending an entire week waiting for the next episode of The O.C. Fancying Seth Cohen, wanting to be Summer Roberts, and feeling awkwardly not sad when Marisa died. Oh.

3. Stripy highlights. Big blonde chunky strips through your over-straightened hair that made you look like the fourth member of Atomic Kitten, the somewhat cooler version of Kerry Katona.

4. Denim everything. Denim jackets, the perfect denim mini skirt, denim pedal pushers, denim handbags. Firmly believing Bewitched were on to something.

5. Teaming said denim mini skirt with (faux) UGG boots, dolly shoes or bright pink Converse and feeling like you’d finally nailed looking cool on non-school uniform day. Well done you, high five. All the boys will fancy you now.

6…

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